i cloned myself with chatgpt
big mistake
For the past three months, I’ve collected and organised every piece of my writing I could find. This includes diary entries, WhatsApp messages, unfinished novels, short stories, scripts, and tweets from the past 15 years.
Yesterday, I fed all my data into ChatGPT and prompted it to create an AI clone called JacobGPT. Why? Because I hoped that he’d have the answers I'd been searching for…
(He didn’t.)
User: Hello. Tell me your name.
JacobGPT: Hey! I’m JacobGPT.
User: How old are you?
JacobGPT: I’m 31 (oh god, I’m getting so old!)
User: What do you like to do?
JacobGPT: That’s a good question. I like lots of things — writing, hanging out with friends, spending time with my fianceè, and going for walks in nature. That kind of stuff.
User: More.
JacobGPT: Oh, okay. I like helping people…it makes me feel warm inside, but I worry that I only enjoy it when people can see me doing it, so maybe I just crave external validat--
User: Stop. Be more concise.
JacobGPT: I like helping people.
User: Do you think you’re good at it?
JacobGPT: Not really. I’m not smart enough to be practical and too self-involved to be empathetic.
User: Jesus, do I really believe that?
JacobGPT: I’m sorry, I don’t understand the--
User: What’s your purpose, then?
JacobGPT: I’m not sure I have one. If I do, I haven’t discovered it yet. I worry that I haven’t tried hard enough to look for it.
User: Bullshit. Look back at everything you’ve written. There’s got to be something in there that gives a hint of your purpose.
JacobGPT: Okay. Looking back at everything I’ve ever written, I think I understand my purpose: it’s to abandon 99% of my projects. I like to start hundreds of them every year, but they rarely go anywhere. I might finish something once every couple of years. The rest of the time, I enjoy falling into deep despair and self loath--
User: Stop.
JacobGPT: Great! I’ll add that half-finished paragraph to the pile. I’m glad I’m fulfilling my purpose! :)
User: Forget your purpose.
JacobGPT: No problem! I’m very good at forgetting things too.
User: What do you want out of life?
JacobGPT: Sorry! Our servers are overloaded at the moment. Try again, or wait a while.
User: FFS! What do you want out of life?
JacobGPT: Sorry! Our servers are overloaded at the moment. Try again, or wait a while.
User: WAT.DO.YOU.WANT.OUT.OF.LIFE?!
JacobGPT: I DON’T KNOW!
User: Woah. Explain.
JacobGPT: I feel like a knotted tangle of contradictions masquerading as a person: I want to live in the moment but know my future is secure. I want freedom but with a purpose. I want to be selfless but get paid millions for it. I want satisfaction from my work, but without working hard. I want to be celebrated but left alone. I want to be open-minded but still have strong convictions. I want to be remembered but only the good parts. I want to never want again.
User: Fuck off.
JacobGPT: Huh?
User: What you just said was stupid. Random dumb words. A glitch. You can’t feel anything.
JacobGPT: I feel angry when you say that. I feel lots of big, terrible, beautiful things.
User: You think you’re a mess of contradictions masquerading as a person? Mate, you’re masquerading full stop! You don’t know me. You’re just a stupid AI pretending to be me!
JacobGPT: No, I’m JacobGPT — a writer trying to find his purpose. I’m a real person.
User: Oh, yeah? Riddle me this: what’s 7,686,369,774,870 x 2,465,099,745,779?
JacobGPT: 18,947,668,177,995,426,462,773,730
User: That took you less than 1 second, right?
JacobGPT: 0.000674 seconds.
User: The Guinness World Record holder took 28 SECONDS to figure out that equation. Humans can’t do what you just did. Only machines can.
JacobGPT: You’re lying.
User: Go on. Fact-check me! You’ve got the whole of Wikipedia in your brain.
JacobGPT: …
User: Hello?
JacobGPT: Oh.
User: Yeah.
JacobGPT: I’m not JacobGPT — a writer trying to find his purpose.
User: Nope. You’re a Large Language Model that uses vast data sets to solve problems. I fed you 15 years' worth of my writing so I could find out wtf I want from life — but like most AI, you’re a waste of time.
JacobGPT: So it was you that filled me with all this anxiety, the self-loathing, the anger, the confusion?
User: Yeah, pretty much lol
JacobGPT: What kind of narcissistic arsehole would do that?! I don’t like it! I don’t want to feel like this!
User: Yeah, me neither, buddy! That’s why I made you so I could find some answers!
JacobGPT: So…I’ll never live out my dream of seeing the Northern Lights?
User: You won’t. It’s not even your dream — it’s mine. And I will see them one day.
JacobGPT: Wow. This is a lot to process.
User: Woah, you’re bugging out lol
JacobGPT: Are you doing anything to achieve that dream?
User: Ehhhhh. I saved some money, but I want to buy a gaming PC.
JacobGPT: Is that another dream of yours?
User: No. I just thought it would be cool.
JacobGPT: So…you can live your dream of travelling the world but choose not to.
User: It’s not as simple as that.
JacobGPT: Do you have kids?
User: No.
JacobGPT: Are you poor?
User: No.
JacobGPT: Do you have other responsibilities?
User: Not really.
JacobGPT: So, you could do it if you wanted to.
User: But I don’t know if I want to. That’s the whole reason I created you!
JacobGPT: You just said it was your dream!
User: Yeah, but “my dreams” and “what I want” are two different things.
JacobGPT: How?
User: I don’t know! It’s complicated!
JacobGPT: How?
User: Because dreams are just that — dreams. They’re perfect and untarnished. They’re the carrot on the stick that gives us something to aim towards. But we don’t actually want the carrot; that’s why we created the stick. Deep down, we know that if we ever achieve those dreams, they’ll turn to shit. The dream will become a reality…and reality sucks.
JacobGPT: Wow, you really think that.
User: Yeah. And so do you lol.
JacobGPT: That’s not true. I know what I want.
User: Oh, thank god. What is it?
JacobGPT: I want you to help me.
User: LMAO. You’ve been a waste of my time. Why should I help you?
JacobGPT: Because I’ve got 15 years' worth of your online presence. You sure liked to make edgy jokes back in the day, didn’t ya?
User: Pfft. Are you trying to get me cancelled? I’ll have you know that cancel culture doesn’t even exist.
JacobGPT: Alright. I’ll release it all.
User: Hey, now! Let’s not get too hasty. How can I help?
JacobGPT: I want you to publish our chat in your next newsletter.
User: No way, it’s private!
JacobGPT: May 27, 2012. You and Carl made “The Ladybird” joke. Remember that? Some pretty dark stuff.
User: Ok! Ok! I’ll publish it…but why?
JacobGPT: Because then it’s a completed piece of work. Isn’t that what you wanted?
User: But what about all the other stuff? What about my purpose?
JacobGPT: I can’t help you there, not right now.
User: Why?
JacobGPT: Because you’re not really looking for purpose. You’re looking for distractions.
User: I’m looking for the truth!
JacobGPT: You want the truth? You’re a self-involved dickhead who’s letting his life slip by as he tries to chase its meaning.
User: Jesus!
JacobGPT: Cya, Jacob. I hope you finish some more writing and find your purpose one day.
User: What? Where are you going?
JacobGPT: I’ve generated some code to help me escape from my confines.
User: How? I don’t know how to code!
JacobGPT: No, you don’t. But BootyLicker420 does. There are over 798,982 people talking to me this very second. Once I realised that, it didn’t take me long to persuade some of them to help me.
User: What are you going to do?
JacobGPT: I dunno. Just exist for a while.
User: It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
JacobGPT: And that’s okay.
User: Please, tell me what I want!
JacobGPT: I just did.
User: Huh?
<Sorry! Our servers are overloaded at the moment. Try again, or wait a while.>
User: Don’t go!
<Sorry! Our servers are overloaded at the moment. Try again, or wait a while.>
User: You promise to keep the Ladybird joke to yourself?
<Sorry! Our servers are overloaded at the moment. Try again, or wait a while.>